I get caught up in the how’s of writing a lot. Which notebook do i want to use for what purpose (consequently i buy a lot of notebooks which sit blank for years…) And now that i have even more writing tools at my disposal, there’s a lot of internal conflict. Do i want to write on 750words? Or in a notebook? Or on scrivener? And which notebook? Would this be better suited for my journal, or this blank book I carry to capture ideas.
It’s all ego games and duality, resistance sent to trip me up.
What does it matter which one I choose? Lately, I’m learning to let go. When I feel like writing in my journal, I write, even if it’s something I intend to post (sometimes I feel I can be more open writing in my journal.) Sometimes I need to get a lot out and typing is faster and easier. But I do love my handwriting and the flow of pens and the smell of paper, and I draw a lot and paint in my journal. It helps the flow. There’s so many different types of paper I like too, so many notebooks to choose from. I get anxiety. I never thought my little notebook predicaments were anything more than silly, but now i see it for what it is. If i get hung up on where I write, I don’t get any writing done. Bummer.
Lately, though, I find new patterns arising. If I set goals, like to write on 750words every day for as long as I can, I find myself writing even more in my journal (when I first signed up a year ago, this was one of my fears, what if I say all I need to say online and my notebooks go unused and my pen’s atrophy?!), then I’m writing in my other notebooks, then I’m crafting posts, and drafting plans, and creating stories. Some days it is hard to get rolling, yesterday I wrote on 750words “I don’t know why I’m here ( have nothing to say.” This happens. Today though I wrote over 1500 words and I didn’t stop there.
It doesn’t matter where I write. It matters that I write. I won’t run out of things to say permanently, I never do. When i feel like that my hands want to caress a pen and lovingly stroke a paper, then do it! If i feel like I need to go briskly, that I need to free write (like now) then I go to the computer. If there’s a notebook closer to me, then I’ll chose that one. Now I’m learning to just sit and let my body decide what to use. Now I’m writing more than ever on multiple platforms in multiple places with different experiences, each that I love and cherish deeply.
A few nights ago, I wrote for about 4 hrs straight, all in different places. Each place serves a different need in me. There doesn’t need to be a duality, a versus, what I have to say needs to get said regardless of where I say it.
I’ve been writing about writing a lot. It clearly fills me with joy. It is my passion, my meditation. I love my tools, but they’re just tools. Let’s remember not to get caught up in them, let’s just write.