On last week’s linkstream, I mentioned how this post would be a great idea for a writing prompt!
Since I spent that entire night thinking about all the reasons I should be proud of myself, I figured it was a sign to actually write it down!
So here are 8 things past-sara would be proud of current-sara:
1. I have been writing on CosmicOutlaw for over 2 years. I had the idea to start this site probably 2–3 years before I actually did. The entire process terrified me — from sharing my wacky interests to just the simple act of setting up a wordpress site (trust me, it’s easier than you think!). Now, I consider my website to be the best thing I’ve ever done. I love writing for it, I love learning how to make it pretty, I love all the people I’ve met through it. Starting this website catalyzed huge changes in my life. I attribute many (most!) of the fabulous things I’ve done in the past few years to my humble little blog-sanctuary. This includes:: overcoming perfection, quitting smoking, learning how to exercise my willpower, writing everyday (& figuring out my passion in life was writing — which I really knew all along), improving my writing, & learning how to be vulnerable.
2. I’m back in school & all my grades are high A’s. I’ve always liked the concept of school — I love learning & I love making friends, so theoretically I should have been the model student. But I wasn’t, especially in highschool. I skipped a lot of class, was constantly in trouble (maybe because of all that school skipping…). My college experience wasn’t that better & I’ve dropped out what feels like a zillion times. (I actually had success attending community college, but due to lack of clarity regarding my future, I never had much enthusiasm for it). I finally feel over all that. Working hard at school is a new experience, I can’t remember a time in my life where I actually studied & wrote papers before they were actually due. It probably helps that now I have a clear vision of what I want to do & who I want to be, & I chose interesting classes that reflect that. I’ve learned a lot about learning, I’ve made some really cool like-minded friends, & I get to spend my afternoons parading through downtown Houston whenever I want!
3. I actually like myself. Consequently, I no longer spend my time bawling & breaking down. From around the age of 20, I’ve been on a philosophical quest to learn how I want to live life. This includes delving into Jungian psychology, getting to know my shadow self, learning mythology, starting a website, reading Pronoia, Sera Beak, Gala Darling, Jessica Mullen; studying everything from media theory, to mysticism, to business & marketing. There are, of course, times when I still feel like a pretty shitty person (I ate all the candy, I lied about eating all the candy, my natural instinct when someone was falling was to jump out of the way…which made me feel like a real bitch), but I accept all this (shadow integration!). Life is pretty great, I’m having an adventure figuring it out, & I pay my taxes on time.
4. I own a leather jacket. & It is predictably awesome. (I actually own more than 1 leather jacket & they’re all awesome…>.>)
5. I write everyday. I wanted to be a writer since i was a child, but in my teens & 20’s — I gave up on the idea & stopped writing. Mostly, I didn’t think I had any potential, or any ideas, & I was too busy binge drinking. So now, I’m just shy of being at 200 consecutive days, I have a fluid, but solid (contradictory?) editorial calendar, & I’ve written about 20 (but it feels like 200) papers this semester.
6. I haven’t put artificial sweetener in my tea or coffee in over 2 weeks. This might not be a big deal to you, but it’s adulthood to me.
7. I have a sense of style & good hair I cut myself. In high school, I was really self conscious & always wore oversize clothes to cover myself. I liked big jackets tied around my waist, oversized cargo pants, all black (well somethings don’t change…), but I was never happy with how I looked. It seems though, as my self confidence increases — my sense of style also develops. My ratty, self-dreading hair also looks shiny & healthy, thanks vegan hair products!
8. I’m not a cynical dick anymore. This goes along with no. 3; because I was insecure, I had a tendency to be… an asshole. I was sarcastic, condescending, & always angry. There’s been about 10 years of self discovery separating mean Sara from current Sara, & I’m really grateful that I’m a lot more compassionate & optimistic.